Today I ran into Penney's to take back a shirt. While there, I went to check out the final clearance racks and I found about 3 outfits for $24. I was so excited! I noticed people looking at me, and when I went to check out the cashier asked if I was ok. I told her I was and then I said, I'm sure too loudly, "I loooooove the final clearance rack". Then she said "oh me too" but sort of like you would tell a kid that you like ice cream too. I was so wrapped up in my bargains that I just kept smiling and being chirpy.
I got out to my car, and looked in the mirror, and I realized why I was getting strange reactions. When I left the house, I had my hair up in a big clip. I took it down as I was driving and then just stuck it on the side of my head in my hair. Very out of place. I forgot I did that and walked around the store for 30 minutes looking like a drunken pillhead.
This is not the first time, or the worst time this has happened to me. Once, when Bob and I lived up in Michigan, I went for a massage. I had been wearing black hose and when I got dressed after the massage I threw them in the pocket of my coat. While I was getting my massage, I threw my hair in a pony tail. I left the spa very relaxed and laid back. I ran into a store to grab a CD, once again, giddy from an hour long massage, and people looked at me. I imagined I had a glow about me. When we lived in Michigan people always looked at me, or so I thought. I had just moved from Texas, I had a touch of an accent, and I guess I thought they saw that special somethin' about me that was different from them. So the stares didn't really make me think anything was up.
I got home, and when I walked in, Bob double glanced me, and with a very strange look, asked me if I was ok. I wasn't sure what he meant, and I asked him why. He told me to go look in the mirror. When I saw myself, I was mortified. There I was, with my ponytail kicked to the side of my head and falling down, raccoon eyes from mascara being smeared, black panty hose hanging out of the pocket of my long black overcoat that was buttoned up just off by one button. I looked like I had either been mugged, or again, drunk.
Aside from forgetting that I look like a deranged drunkard, I also have a habit of saying hello to people who look like people I know. I once waved to a guy and his pregnant wife across a store, telling them I would see them at the baby shower. It was after I walked away that I realized that while he looked like a guy I knew, that was not his wife, therefore I had just told total strangers that I had intentions to crash their baby shower. I had an entire conversation with a man at a doctors office, only to end the conversation with "you're not William are you?" He politely answered "no ma'am". I excused myself and tried to walk away with an ounce of dignity. I probably tripped over a rug on the way out, I've blocked most of that incident out. I once yelled out "Nana" to an elderly lady with short gray hair. When she didn't answer, I said to myself "she can't hear a thing". Once I got up closer I realized it was a man. I'm kidding on that last part, just another dig at Nana's lesbian haircut.
I do this all the time. It's getting bad. If my mother in law did this, I would have her committed. Yet people that I know? I can look them right in the eye and not even realize that I know them. My GG has called me and told me that I flat out ignored a great aunt at Walmart once. I had no idea I ever saw her. But to be honest, I've dived into the frozen food section more than once to avoid talking to aforementioned great aunt, so my whole "I didn't see her" line didn't go over so well.
I either need to start paying better attention, or just start wearing matching pantsuits and white canvas keds, and a sweater in the middle of July. You know, just in case the car gets too cold. And if I do that, I'll have to carry tissues in my purse, and let mints get all fuzzy in the side pockets. I went from not leaving my car without checking my lipstick to wearing two different colored flip flops, just that fast.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Spotlight on...Andy
A certain someone has asked that I do a blog entry, specifically devoted to her. So, in order to get her to shut up about it, I give you...Andy
Who is Andy? Andy is my doppelganger. The ying to my yang. She is the only person who can do to me, what I do to everyone else. She and I are a dangerous pair, and our minds work in mysterious ways. We go there. To places that others dare not go. Here we are after we just went there...I look hideous in this picture, but if you saw the one that was taken before this one, you would think that right there is a picture of a movie star. I'm not showing that picture btw.
She's an eater. She isn't fat at all, which really annoys me because she eats like a 17 year old boy. Andy will bring you a box of chocolates if you are in the hospital. It will be empty when it gets to you but I guess it's the thought that counts. She can't help it. The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme to get a donut. I thought for sure we would get a dozen, give all the kids one and then take our boys one home. But noooooo. She actually said to me "get your own dozen because I'm not sharin'". In the 30 minutes it took us to get home, I saw her devour 3 donuts without taking a breath. Here she is showing us how much she loves making cake balls. She is also showing us her IQ.
Andy works for UPS. She gets to boss men around. She also works like a farmhand which might explain why she is able to eat like one and not gain weight. She is very good at her job, very organized. She is really on top of things at work. At home, not so much. I'm sorry but it's true. It's almost weird how she can go from one extreme to the other.
Andy is Sam-Sam's mom. She is also Keegans mom and Trevors pain in the a...I mean wife. She and I both agree that we took two really good men in Bob and Trevor and ruined their lives. As well as their credit. But they both have good credit now. Their lives are still destroyed, but baby steps. Baby steps.
Andy doesn't cry. She doesn't hug. By all outwards appearances she is a soul-less blob of non-emotional seaweed. If you tell her that your dog died, she'll tell you that dogs die and you need to get over it. But I know things. I'm not outing her as having emotions, but I've seen things. She has an obession with bathrooms and the goings on of bathrooms. And while describing Andy requires a mention of bathrooms, that's as far as I'm going with that. Because I do not share the same obession. I wish that she would understand that and stop trying to pull me into that world. I don't wanna go there.
She sleeps the minute she gets into the passengers seat of a vehicle. I have seen her and Trevor driving down the street, Trevor in the drivers seat, and Andy over in the passengers seat with her head thrown back, mouth wide open, drool all over her face. I suspect that people who didn't know her would think he was rushing her to the hospital because she's had some sort of stroke or something. But she's just sleepin'. She, like my Bob, looks like bigbird when she sleeps. She also has the ability to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation like Bob does. I'm used to it at this point. My sister does it too.
Andy and I do things that make people wonder what we're up to. For example, we will
run for absolutely no reason. We'll be sitting on the couch, and one of us will say "you wanna go run" and the other one says "hell yeah" and we go outside at Nana's and just run. No one knows why we do this, and neither do we. But we run and we laugh until we cry. We also have the ability to look at each other and laugh, thus sending chills down the backs of the rest of our family. They all ask why? what? who? But there is no why, what or who. We're just laughing. The more we laugh, the more freaked out people get, which makes us laugh more.
We have fun, more fun that we should have. We laugh at things that other people would cry about. And when one of us is mad, the other one gets mad too. Or makes fun of the other for getting so mad about something stupid. Alright, usually she makes fun of me for getting mad at something stupid. We make fun of each other about things that other people would pity us for. It's how we get through the tough times. We're cousins, but we're also friends. Mostly because being friends with each other is easier than being friends with other people. We're both backer outers. For example, I might be all about going to lunch next Wed with Betty Sue. But when Wed rolls around, the chances of me still wanting to go to lunch are not good. If I make plans with Andy and I back out, there is a very good chance that she won't want to go either. And if she does, I don't care. Because that's how we roll.
We love our family. They are tons of fun to make fun of. We have a great time with our Nana. We like to go places with her, and make fun of her. Especially when she and my mom got matching lesbian haircuts. We told her that her hair looked great for an 80 year old lesbian. She just laughed at us. We also like to make fun of our cousin Wally. How can you have a cousin named "Wally" and not make fun of him? We call him a magnificent bastahd. We call him at random times asking him "what are you doing you magnificent bastahd?" For some reason everytime we call him, he asks us if we're drunk. We aren't. We're usually hopped up on sugar, but never drunk.
Andy's mom died about 4 years ago. It sucked. But every now and then, when we pull one of our pranks, we sort of feel like she's there with us, pulling the rope on the bucket of water over the door. We think that she would enjoy our antics. She was sort of like us in that she thoroughly enjoyed those little moments when someone slips on the ice.
So now I've done a spotlight on Andy. And now maybe she'll just shut up about it and let me have my normal life back.
Who is Andy? Andy is my doppelganger. The ying to my yang. She is the only person who can do to me, what I do to everyone else. She and I are a dangerous pair, and our minds work in mysterious ways. We go there. To places that others dare not go. Here we are after we just went there...I look hideous in this picture, but if you saw the one that was taken before this one, you would think that right there is a picture of a movie star. I'm not showing that picture btw.
She's an eater. She isn't fat at all, which really annoys me because she eats like a 17 year old boy. Andy will bring you a box of chocolates if you are in the hospital. It will be empty when it gets to you but I guess it's the thought that counts. She can't help it. The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme to get a donut. I thought for sure we would get a dozen, give all the kids one and then take our boys one home. But noooooo. She actually said to me "get your own dozen because I'm not sharin'". In the 30 minutes it took us to get home, I saw her devour 3 donuts without taking a breath. Here she is showing us how much she loves making cake balls. She is also showing us her IQ.
Andy works for UPS. She gets to boss men around. She also works like a farmhand which might explain why she is able to eat like one and not gain weight. She is very good at her job, very organized. She is really on top of things at work. At home, not so much. I'm sorry but it's true. It's almost weird how she can go from one extreme to the other.
Andy is Sam-Sam's mom. She is also Keegans mom and Trevors pain in the a...I mean wife. She and I both agree that we took two really good men in Bob and Trevor and ruined their lives. As well as their credit. But they both have good credit now. Their lives are still destroyed, but baby steps. Baby steps.
Andy doesn't cry. She doesn't hug. By all outwards appearances she is a soul-less blob of non-emotional seaweed. If you tell her that your dog died, she'll tell you that dogs die and you need to get over it. But I know things. I'm not outing her as having emotions, but I've seen things. She has an obession with bathrooms and the goings on of bathrooms. And while describing Andy requires a mention of bathrooms, that's as far as I'm going with that. Because I do not share the same obession. I wish that she would understand that and stop trying to pull me into that world. I don't wanna go there.
She sleeps the minute she gets into the passengers seat of a vehicle. I have seen her and Trevor driving down the street, Trevor in the drivers seat, and Andy over in the passengers seat with her head thrown back, mouth wide open, drool all over her face. I suspect that people who didn't know her would think he was rushing her to the hospital because she's had some sort of stroke or something. But she's just sleepin'. She, like my Bob, looks like bigbird when she sleeps. She also has the ability to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation like Bob does. I'm used to it at this point. My sister does it too.
Andy and I do things that make people wonder what we're up to. For example, we will
run for absolutely no reason. We'll be sitting on the couch, and one of us will say "you wanna go run" and the other one says "hell yeah" and we go outside at Nana's and just run. No one knows why we do this, and neither do we. But we run and we laugh until we cry. We also have the ability to look at each other and laugh, thus sending chills down the backs of the rest of our family. They all ask why? what? who? But there is no why, what or who. We're just laughing. The more we laugh, the more freaked out people get, which makes us laugh more.
We have fun, more fun that we should have. We laugh at things that other people would cry about. And when one of us is mad, the other one gets mad too. Or makes fun of the other for getting so mad about something stupid. Alright, usually she makes fun of me for getting mad at something stupid. We make fun of each other about things that other people would pity us for. It's how we get through the tough times. We're cousins, but we're also friends. Mostly because being friends with each other is easier than being friends with other people. We're both backer outers. For example, I might be all about going to lunch next Wed with Betty Sue. But when Wed rolls around, the chances of me still wanting to go to lunch are not good. If I make plans with Andy and I back out, there is a very good chance that she won't want to go either. And if she does, I don't care. Because that's how we roll.
We love our family. They are tons of fun to make fun of. We have a great time with our Nana. We like to go places with her, and make fun of her. Especially when she and my mom got matching lesbian haircuts. We told her that her hair looked great for an 80 year old lesbian. She just laughed at us. We also like to make fun of our cousin Wally. How can you have a cousin named "Wally" and not make fun of him? We call him a magnificent bastahd. We call him at random times asking him "what are you doing you magnificent bastahd?" For some reason everytime we call him, he asks us if we're drunk. We aren't. We're usually hopped up on sugar, but never drunk.
Andy's mom died about 4 years ago. It sucked. But every now and then, when we pull one of our pranks, we sort of feel like she's there with us, pulling the rope on the bucket of water over the door. We think that she would enjoy our antics. She was sort of like us in that she thoroughly enjoyed those little moments when someone slips on the ice.
So now I've done a spotlight on Andy. And now maybe she'll just shut up about it and let me have my normal life back.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Girls Night Out
Bob and Jack went with Jack's friend and his dad to the Monster Truck Show tonight. Which is really funny if you know Bob, because he is so not a Monster Truck Show guy. Sydney and I went with Andy and her daughter Keegan to see the Hannah Montana movie. Yes, we did. And to be perfectly honest with you, it was an awesome movie. At one point, I was tempted to stand up and urge Miley to be Hannah again. I would keep her secret! Okay, mostly I was tempted to do this because it would have been incredibly funny. How freaking awesome would that be? Out of nowhere the chick in the 3rd row stands up clapping and chanting "Hannah, Hannah!" It would have made Andy wet herself.
It was a theater full of moms and daughters, and while my daughter does indeed love Hannah, I took the opportunity to see the movie without shame. But...there was a lady next to me with an 18 month old, and I wanted to tell her that first of all, she's not fooling anyone and second of all, it's ok. It's ok to like Hannah. Andy and I immediately went and bought the soundtrack to the movie. We aren't ashamed.
Afterwards we took the girls to dinner, and laughed with them. Sydney and I came home and listened to our new CD and danced. She has a Hannah Montana microphone and she's got the moves. It was a great girls night out. No Pina Colada, but good company anyway.
It was a theater full of moms and daughters, and while my daughter does indeed love Hannah, I took the opportunity to see the movie without shame. But...there was a lady next to me with an 18 month old, and I wanted to tell her that first of all, she's not fooling anyone and second of all, it's ok. It's ok to like Hannah. Andy and I immediately went and bought the soundtrack to the movie. We aren't ashamed.
Afterwards we took the girls to dinner, and laughed with them. Sydney and I came home and listened to our new CD and danced. She has a Hannah Montana microphone and she's got the moves. It was a great girls night out. No Pina Colada, but good company anyway.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter
We had a great Easter! It was cold and rainy, but we still had a great time.
The first thing we did was take our annual front porch picture...
When I was a kid, we all stood on that same front porch and had our picture taken, rain or shine. Our parents did as well. We make a sign showing the year, every year, but depending on one of those kids to actually hold it up is usually a big waste of time. I chose that picture out of the 10 I have, because I think that Trixie the dog looks quite fetching. What you do not see in that picture, is what the kids are seeing. No less than 6 insane adults telling them all to look at them and smile. A lot of "get the dog out of the way" and "put your basket down" and "watch the baby" By the time pictures are done, the kids are ready to go home and go to bed, while the adults all sit around and tend to our bruises.
Here are my angels in their Easter outfits...
After picture time, we had dinner. Here is a post dinner shot of my sister, the nurse. My Nana, my mother in law and my mother. That was one tough crowd. Seriously.
After dinner, it was egg hunt time. We sequestered the kids in the den with some Spongebob and we took to hiding eggs. But then it started to rain, and it was really cold. So I threw Bob my bag and took off into the house. I'm no fool. Bob and my uncle were though. And they weathered the rain and hid some eggs. Although to tell you the truth, dumping them all in the driveway isn't really providing the kids with much of a challenge, but whatever. It rained for a good 20 minutes before we decided to just go for it. So we lined them up.
And off they went!
Sam-Sam didn't make it to the egg hunt. He was all worn out.
Afterwards, it was time to inspect the loot.
Then more pictures with Nana. Again, trying to get all of them to sit still and let us take a picture is like herding chickens into a photo shoot. It just isn't possible. In this case, the dog was behind them growling and causing all of them to scream and run.
We took more pictures, but I think that this picture pretty much speaks of my people.
Would you believe that he's the grumpiest person in our family? At least someone got use of Sydney's Easter hat.
The first thing we did was take our annual front porch picture...
When I was a kid, we all stood on that same front porch and had our picture taken, rain or shine. Our parents did as well. We make a sign showing the year, every year, but depending on one of those kids to actually hold it up is usually a big waste of time. I chose that picture out of the 10 I have, because I think that Trixie the dog looks quite fetching. What you do not see in that picture, is what the kids are seeing. No less than 6 insane adults telling them all to look at them and smile. A lot of "get the dog out of the way" and "put your basket down" and "watch the baby" By the time pictures are done, the kids are ready to go home and go to bed, while the adults all sit around and tend to our bruises.
Here are my angels in their Easter outfits...
After picture time, we had dinner. Here is a post dinner shot of my sister, the nurse. My Nana, my mother in law and my mother. That was one tough crowd. Seriously.
After dinner, it was egg hunt time. We sequestered the kids in the den with some Spongebob and we took to hiding eggs. But then it started to rain, and it was really cold. So I threw Bob my bag and took off into the house. I'm no fool. Bob and my uncle were though. And they weathered the rain and hid some eggs. Although to tell you the truth, dumping them all in the driveway isn't really providing the kids with much of a challenge, but whatever. It rained for a good 20 minutes before we decided to just go for it. So we lined them up.
And off they went!
Sam-Sam didn't make it to the egg hunt. He was all worn out.
Afterwards, it was time to inspect the loot.
Then more pictures with Nana. Again, trying to get all of them to sit still and let us take a picture is like herding chickens into a photo shoot. It just isn't possible. In this case, the dog was behind them growling and causing all of them to scream and run.
We took more pictures, but I think that this picture pretty much speaks of my people.
Would you believe that he's the grumpiest person in our family? At least someone got use of Sydney's Easter hat.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Preparing for Easter
I'll get into Easter day later, we had a great day. But before I get into that, Easter hit the ground running on Friday when Jack and his class went to the park for a huge egg hunt. Here they are getting ready to go...
He didn't randomly pick eggs up, he scouted for them. He was so excited when he realized he had gotten 3 Diego eggs...
He took a split second to take a picture with me. Ignore my horrid appearance, I was in a rush that day to get to the park and my hair wasn't playing well with others...
On Saturday we did the whole egg coloring thing...
And they turned out great!
They put their eggs in the basket for the Easter bunny, and he came!
Jack woke us up at 5am. We made him let everyone sleep until about 7am when he saw a flicker of light through the curtains and decided that enough was enough.
Later on we went to Nana's for the traditional Easter dinner and egg hunt. We also got the annual front porch picture, all of which I will post on soon. But here's a teaser...
He didn't randomly pick eggs up, he scouted for them. He was so excited when he realized he had gotten 3 Diego eggs...
He took a split second to take a picture with me. Ignore my horrid appearance, I was in a rush that day to get to the park and my hair wasn't playing well with others...
On Saturday we did the whole egg coloring thing...
And they turned out great!
They put their eggs in the basket for the Easter bunny, and he came!
Jack woke us up at 5am. We made him let everyone sleep until about 7am when he saw a flicker of light through the curtains and decided that enough was enough.
Later on we went to Nana's for the traditional Easter dinner and egg hunt. We also got the annual front porch picture, all of which I will post on soon. But here's a teaser...
Sunday, April 12, 2009
My Girl's First Haircut
My girl has the most beautiful red hair you have ever seen.
She was born with it, came into this world with a fuzzy red head. Bob and I were both totally confused. As she got older, and her hair grew, it started to highlight and she has copper, blond, red, and strawberry blond color streaks in it. I actually have people ask me if I had her hair highlighted. She's 4 now, and this has been going on since her hair grew past her shoulders.
I was always hesitant to cut it because 1) I wanted it to get long and 2) cutting Sydney's hair would be like trying to cut a lions mane. It's not gonna happen and someone is gonna get hurt. But her hair got out of control. She is very tender headed (yet stubborn as a mule, go figure) and it got to a point for a bit where I would have to throw it up in a bun tangles and all. Here is an example of how her hair would often look. And a gratuitous picture of Sam-Sam.
It was shortly after this day that I took her to have her hair cut for the first time. She really didn't want to go because she was afraid, but her big brother had his cut too so she decided it might not be so bad. You can see Nana and Sam-Sam in the background!
Afterwards, I was a little concerned because it was so sharp! It didn't look soft like it always had. But as it dried, it started to look really cute. We went to the mall and Andy took some really good pictures of the kids.
Now that it's been about a month since she had a haircut, her hair has softened and looks beautiful. Her Aunt M misses the wild and crazy Sydney hair, but I think she looks great with the shorter hair.
She was born with it, came into this world with a fuzzy red head. Bob and I were both totally confused. As she got older, and her hair grew, it started to highlight and she has copper, blond, red, and strawberry blond color streaks in it. I actually have people ask me if I had her hair highlighted. She's 4 now, and this has been going on since her hair grew past her shoulders.
I was always hesitant to cut it because 1) I wanted it to get long and 2) cutting Sydney's hair would be like trying to cut a lions mane. It's not gonna happen and someone is gonna get hurt. But her hair got out of control. She is very tender headed (yet stubborn as a mule, go figure) and it got to a point for a bit where I would have to throw it up in a bun tangles and all. Here is an example of how her hair would often look. And a gratuitous picture of Sam-Sam.
It was shortly after this day that I took her to have her hair cut for the first time. She really didn't want to go because she was afraid, but her big brother had his cut too so she decided it might not be so bad. You can see Nana and Sam-Sam in the background!
Afterwards, I was a little concerned because it was so sharp! It didn't look soft like it always had. But as it dried, it started to look really cute. We went to the mall and Andy took some really good pictures of the kids.
Now that it's been about a month since she had a haircut, her hair has softened and looks beautiful. Her Aunt M misses the wild and crazy Sydney hair, but I think she looks great with the shorter hair.
Scholar of the Month
My Jack was awarded scholar of the month for March. He got a medal and a certificate at a school assembly last Friday. Check out that toothless grin!
Here he is with his proud sister.
And his good job cake that we had with all of his cousins at Nana's house that night.
He was pretty proud of himself, and we were even more so! His Gramma R gave him a nice glow in the dark dinosaur puzzle. He and his cousin started to put it together with Nana.
Nana cannot stay away from a jigsaw puzzle. She tends to throw herself into them. So much so that we are not able to get her puzzles as a gift. She gets a little nutso. Apparently jigsaw puzzles and elderly grandmothers do not a sane situation make.
So congratulations to our Jack! We're so proud!
Here he is with his proud sister.
And his good job cake that we had with all of his cousins at Nana's house that night.
He was pretty proud of himself, and we were even more so! His Gramma R gave him a nice glow in the dark dinosaur puzzle. He and his cousin started to put it together with Nana.
Nana cannot stay away from a jigsaw puzzle. She tends to throw herself into them. So much so that we are not able to get her puzzles as a gift. She gets a little nutso. Apparently jigsaw puzzles and elderly grandmothers do not a sane situation make.
So congratulations to our Jack! We're so proud!
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